How To Talk To Your Partner After Cheating (11 Ways)

How to talk to your partner after cheating is a very concerning topic to look at. Are you explaining things? Do you know how to approach them about the matter?

Are you worsening the case?  All these are the basic things to know as a partner who has been infidel and wants to change.

If you’ve cheated on your partner, chances are you’re feeling pretty confused. You might be thinking about whether to stay or go, wondering if this is a one-time thing or something more serious.

And while it’s important to talk to your partner about what happened and how they feel, here’s something else that can help: talking with someone who has been through something similar before.

How To Talk To Your Partner After Cheating -11 Amazing Ways

There are a lot of ways to talk to your partner after cheating, but for the purpose of this article, we will concentrate on 11 important ways on how to talk to your partner after cheating and these ways include the following:

1. Choose The Right Moment And Place

Infidelity is one of the hardest experiences out there. It’s a breach of trust that can scar people for life.

You don’t want to be talking about this kind of subject in a public place or on the spur of the moment. One option is to write down a detailed explanation in a letter and give it to your partner.

This grants them the right to choose a time and place of their choosing to confront or talk to you about it.

It also allows you time and reflection to write out in detail about why you did this and what happened before discussing it. If you opt to talk it out in person and not write it down, ensure that you have some privacy and space.

This kind of admission and apology can get very heated and it’s not something you’ll want the whole world gawking at.

Choose The Right Moment And Place

2. Make It Clear That You Want To Talk About The Cheating

  • Make it clear that you want to talk about the cheating.
  • Ask your partner if they want to talk about it, and make sure they know that you’re ready for this conversation.
  • Tell them how much you care, and how much the cheating hurt you. If possible, try not to blame yourself or make excuses for what happened; instead, focus on being angry at their actions (and yes–this is still valid even after they’ve apologized). 

3. Don’t Let The Lies Begin Again

You will have to be honest with your spouse, if the issue was about being dishonest, disloyal and betrayal, then you wouldn’t want to build more lies to it.

  • Don’t lie.
  • Don’t make excuses for yourself.
  • Don’t blame your partner or the situation–for example, if you have an excuse that makes sense to you but doesn’t ring true with them (e.g., “I was having a bad day”), don’t use it as an excuse not to tell them about what happened with another person in order to save face and avoid being defensive about cheating in general.
  •  Be honest and open about exactly what happened between yourself and whoever else involved in this affair because it leads onto:

4. Apologize For What You Did

Apologize for what happened, how it happened, and how you made your partner feel.

If you cheated, apologize for cheating and promise never to repeat it. If your partner found out through text messages or emails between you, apologize in person as well.

Apologize if there was an argument between the two of you before any cheating took place because that could have been one reason why he or she decided to cheat on him/herself (not only with another man/woman).

Although this may seem like a simple thing to do if your boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on him/herself with another man/woman.

Most people find it hard when they truly care about someone they love dearly so much.

Unfortunately, as human beings, we tend not always towards each other, especially when faced with challenges like these.

Apologize For What You Did

5. Express Your Feelings In A Healthy Way

  • Be respectful. Your partner may feel you are being accusatory, defensive, or judgmental when discussing your feelings.
  • Don’t take it personally if they don’t want to discuss it immediately. They may need some time alone before they are ready for this conversation.
  • Don’t blame yourself for what happened; there’s nothing wrong with feeling upset or angry after cheating on your partner with another person (or people).

6. Share Your Concerns, Fears, And Emotions

  • Express your feelings.
  • Let them know how you are feeling.
  • Share your thoughts and feelings in an open, honest way that is comfortable for both of you. Remember to talk about the things that scare you.
  • Both people need to be able to share their fears and emotions openly so they can work through them together.

7. Allow Your Partner To Express Their Feelings In Their Own Way Too

Let your partner express their feelings in their way too.
There is a lot of pressure on you to be the one to talk about what happened, and it can be challenging for them to do so.

But if they want to talk about cheating and how it made them feel, let them.

Only interrupt or give your opinion if asked for it. Try not to get defensive when discussing this topic. You don’t need any more stress than what you already have at home (and hopefully none).

8. Avoid Blaming Or Accusing Each Other

In a cheating relationship, it is easy to get caught up in blaming or accusing each other.

You can feel like you need to defend yourself, which means blaming your partner for cheating. 

Or maybe instead of being mad at them for cheating on you (and them), you feel like they should have never cheated in the first place.

These are all common responses when a partner cheats:

  • Blaming: “If only [you] hadn’t been so lazy when working late last night. I told [you] not to leave without me! If only [you] had listened..”
  • Accusing: “You didn’t even try hard enough this morning–what was wrong with me?” 

These statements don’t help anyone move forward; they hurt feelings and make both parties feel less than worthy as partners.

Avoid Blaming Or Accusing Each Other

9. Talk To A Relationship Advisor

You are going to need some prep before apologizing.
To move past the cheating, you and your partner must be open to discussing and identifying issues and problems in your personal life and your relationship.

Consider seeing a relationship or marriage counselor to help with that process.

10. Give Them A Lot Of Space To Process

Give them time to process everything between the two of you.
Trying to force things can be tempting, but it will only worsen your situation.

If they don’t want to talk about what happened and how it affected them, let them be alone with their thoughts for a little while before trying again with open communication.

You may also feel like you need to know what decisions or actions your partner is making about this situation–but if they are still processing things internally.

(and especially if they have left), then it is best not to pressure them into making any decisions or taking any actions at all until they are ready.

11. Take Your Relationship To The Next Level

Taking your relationship to the next level is an option if you are being given another chance. To do this is a matter of being proactively invested in the relationship.

You’re not just a cheater being shown grace, but you are a cheater now choosing to go down a different road. You’re not just avoiding cheating, you are consciously choosing your partner again
If you are not genuinely committed, you’re only setting yourself up for more heartbreak sooner or later.

The least you can do is be fully in or out. And if you are fully in, commit to really being there emotionally.

Cooking special dinners, romantic dates, and caring about your partner’s day are all perfect examples of this, as long as you remember that it is not the outer actions that are the key here but rather the intention and love behind such actions.


Talking with your partner after cheating is hard but not impossible. The key is being honest about what happened and how you feel, which will allow them the space necessary to process everything that has happened between the two of you.

Acknowledging your feelings and emotions will also help in this process because it shows that they matter to you as much as they do to them.

If you are looking for ways to talk to your partner after cheating, you can go through the guidelines in this article to help you.

Leave a Comment