When Do Couples Start Fighting (3 Clear Stages)

Is it okay to know when couples start fighting? A lot of people ask when do couples start fighting. In this article, we will talk about when couples start fighting. If this is your question then you are reading the right article.

There is no specific time or situation when couples start fighting. Conflicts and disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, and every couple has its unique triggers and patterns of conflict.

However, research suggests that the frequency and intensity of conflicts may increase as couples move from the initial stages of romance to a more committed relationship.

When Do Couples Start Fighting (3 Clear Stages)

Couples may start fighting when they feel that their needs, values, and expectations are not being met in the relationship.

Conflicts may also arise from differences in communication styles, personality traits, or unresolved issues from past experiences.

Couples can start fighting at any point in their relationship. However, the frequency, intensity, and causes of the fights may vary depending on the stage of the relationship.

Here are some common stages where couples may start experiencing conflicts:

1. The Early Stages

The early stage of the relationship is when the couple is getting to know each other better or are still learning to understand each other’s flaws, do’s, and don’t’s.

In the early stages of a relationship, couples may argue about getting to know each other, setting boundaries, and building trust.

2. The Comfortable Stage

After the early stage of the relationship or marriage, the next phase is the comfortable stage. At this stage, both couples are getting accustomed to each other. They may have understood each other to a certain extent.

However, they may have come to identify certain things they don’t like about each other and also certain things they cannot condone.

As couples become more comfortable with each other, they may start to argue about issues related to domestic life, such as household chores, finances, and communication.

3. The Commitment Stage

At this stage, couples are committed to making it work after they have gotten through the stage of being comfortable with each other. The conflicts they have to go from domestic to general conflicts that may affect their relationship tomorrow or in the future.

When couples commit to each other, they may start to argue about issues related to their future together, such as career goals, family planning, and lifestyle choices.

Conflicts are not abnormal but a normal part of any relationship, and they can help couples grow and learn from each other.

However, if fights become frequent, intense, and damaging to the relationship, couples may need to seek help from a therapist or counselor to work through their issues.

How To Identify Healthy Conflicts

Healthy conflict in a relationship is when both partners express their concerns, needs, and emotions respectfully and constructively.

Here are some tips for having a healthy conflict:

1. Practice Active Listening

When your partner is speaking, make sure to listen actively without interrupting or dismissing their perspective. Try to understand their point of view before responding.

Ensure that their words are valued and that what they say or are saying is understood.
You shouldn’t ignore their opinions or thoughts. Get to listen to and see things from their perspective. Listen to them while understanding how they are built and be patient.

2. Use “I” Statements

Instead of blaming or attacking your partner, use “I” statements to express how you feel. For example, instead of saying “You never listen to me,” say “I feel unheard when you interrupt me.”

Don’t misunderstand the usage of the I statement. Use it to describe how you feel, as well as how you feel. Should be used when you want to work things out with your partner.

3. Avoid Criticism And Defensiveness

Criticizing your partner or becoming defensive can escalate the conflict. Instead, focus on the issue at hand and work towards finding a solution together.

Rather than criticizing your partner’s failures or making a mockery of their weaknesses. Look for ways to improve the situation and see how it will work out.

Criticism makes the other person feel less of a person. This is because they see little or no reason to resolve the issue if they will be misunderstood and their feelings are left unheard.

4. Take Breaks When Needed

If the conflict becomes too intense or emotional, take a break to calm down and regroup. Agree on a time to resume the conversation.

If you continue with the misunderstandings when things become tense it might lead to further complications and a decision may be reached that both couples will regret later.

For couples that are committed to making a relationship work, it is advisable to take a break from confrontation and talk about when to fix that issue.

During the break, you both can have moments of romance like hanging out or seeing a movie. This will remind each other of how committed you are to making the relationship work.

5. Find Common Ground

Look for areas of agreement and common goals. Focus on finding a solution that works for both partners.

You should avoid looking at areas where you disagree or differ from each other. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page in areas where you and your partner can agree on one thing.

Avoid pressing or pushing your opinions on your partner, forcing them to accept them. This will most definitely lead to future troubles.

6. Seek Professional Help

Seeking professional help does not mean a 3rd party from your side or someone you know that will support your every move or decision. Not someone who is not experienced or well-informed about matters related to relationships or marriage.

You should talk to someone who has a neutral viewpoint and has the interests of your relationship in mind to help you fix it rather than destroy it. One such professional is a couple of therapists, as they are neutral in that aspect.

If conflicts become persistent and difficult to resolve, consider seeking the help of a couples therapist or counselor. They can help you develop communication and conflict-resolution skills.

It is also essential to state that healthy conflict can help couples grow and strengthen their relationships.

Also note that occasional conflicts and disagreements are normal in any healthy relationship, and it is not a sign of a failed relationship. However, if conflicts become frequent, and intense, and lead to emotional or physical harm, it may be a red flag that the relationship needs to be re-evaluated.

It is common for conflicts or fights in marriages to become toxic, and their effects may be negative.

Toxic fights in marriage are those that are characterized by intense negativity, anger, and aggression, and can harm both partners and the relationship.

Here Are Some Signs That A Conflict In A Marriage May Be Toxic

1. Name-calling And Personal Attacks

When partners engage in name-calling or attack each other’s personal qualities or character, it can be a sign of a toxic conflict.

Refusal to listen or consider the other’s perspective: When one partner refuses to listen or consider the other’s perspective, it can indicate a lack of respect and a desire to control the conversation.

2. Repeatedly Bringing Up Past Conflicts

When past conflicts are repeatedly brought up, it can indicate that the partners have not resolved the underlying issues and may be holding grudges.

3. Extreme Emotional Reactions

When partners have extreme emotional reactions, such as screaming or crying, it can be a sign of a toxic conflict.

4. Stonewalling Or Withdrawing

When one partner stonewalls or withdraws during a conflict, it can indicate a lack of engagement and a desire to avoid conflict, which can be damaging to the relationship.

5. Escalation Of Conflict

When conflicts escalate quickly and become more intense over time, it can be a sign of a toxic dynamic in the relationship.

If you notice any of these signs in your marriage, it may be helpful to seek the help of a therapist or counselor. This will enable you to develop healthy communication and conflict-resolution skills.

Early conflicts in marriage can be challenging, but they can also be an opportunity for partners to learn how to communicate effectively and strengthen their relationship.

Here Are Some Steps To Resolve Early Conflicts In Marriage

1. Communicate Openly And Honestly

Be clear about your thoughts, feelings, and needs, and encourage your partner to do the same. Try to avoid blame or criticism, and focus on finding a solution together.

2. Practice Active Listening

When your partner is speaking, listen actively without interrupting or dismissing their perspective. Try to understand their point of view before responding.

3. Identify The Underlying Issues

Look beyond the surface of the conflict and identify the deeper issues that may be contributing to the problem.

4. Brainstorm Solutions Together

Once you have identified the underlying issues, brainstorm possible solutions together. Focus on finding a solution that works for both partners.

5. Compromise

Be willing to compromise and find a middle ground. Be open to trying out different things and making changes to the relationship.

6. Seek Outside Help

If you are unable to resolve the conflict on your own, consider seeking the help of a couples therapist or counselor. They can help you develop communication and conflict-resolution skills and provide support as you work through the issues.

7. Things To Avoid During A Fight

When couples are in the early stages of a relationship, it is imperative to establish a strong foundation of trust, respect, and open communication.

Here Are A Few Things Couples Should Avoid Doing When Fighting

1. Avoid Name-calling Or Insults

Name-calling is not constructive or helpful but rather hurts the ego of the other. It can be tempting to say hurtful things in the heat of the moment, but it can cause lasting damage to the relationship.

2. Don’t Bring Up The Past

When disagreeing, it is important to focus on the present issue and not bring up past mistakes or arguments.
Do not repeat your partner’s mistakes or failures.

3. Avoid Walking Away

Walking away from a discussion can be interpreted as avoidance, and it can cause frustration and resentment.
Don’t end the marriage by calling it off, which is also the same as walking away.

4. Don’t Dismiss Your Partner’s Feelings

Even if you disagree with your partner’s perspective, it is critical to acknowledge their feelings and work towards finding a resolution together.

5. Don’t Make Assumptions

It is key to communicate openly and ask questions to understand each other’s perspectives, rather than assuming you know what the other person is thinking or feeling.


Remember, conflict is a natural part of any relationship, and how you handle it can strengthen or weaken your connection. By avoiding these common mistakes, couples can navigate conflicts more effectively and build stronger relationships in the process.

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