What Do Therapists Say About Affairs (13 Revealing Things)

A lot of people are really curious to know what do therapists say about affairs. In this article, we are going to explain in detail, if this is your question then this article is for you.

What Is An Affair?

Affair or infidelity is an outside relationship in which there is a sexual betrayal and there is dishonesty. Affairs can be also known as infidelity.

According to Dave Willie when we talk about an affair the first thing that comes to mind is sex. Whereas Affairs have to do with broken trust. Affairs or infidelity can happen anytime you cross that line of trust with your spouse.

What Do Therapists Say About Affairs (13 Revealing Things)

According to the Cambridge dictionary, an affair is a sexual relationship, especially a secret one.
But According to some therapists like;

Dr. Tammy Nelson, there are 3 ways to define infidelity that is Affairs.

1. The has to be some type of outside relationships

2. The sexual piece of the relationship.

3. dishonesty.

There are many definitions but here are 13 key things therapists say about affairs.

1. Affairs Are Not About Sex

Extramarital affairs are not just about physical intimacy or sexual attraction. While sexual desire may be a factor that leads people to cheat on their partners, the reasons behind an affair are often more complex and multifaceted.

Many people who engage in affairs are often seeking an emotional connection, validation, attention, or excitement that they feel is lacking in their current relationship. Sometimes, people may have unresolved emotional issues, such as low self-esteem, loneliness, or feelings of inadequacy that drive them to seek affirmation and validation from someone outside of their relationship.

Additionally, affairs may also be a result of a breakdown in communication, a lack of intimacy, or a feeling of neglect in the primary relationship. In some cases, people may also have unrealistic expectations or unmet needs that they feel cannot be fulfilled within their current relationship.

Overall, while sex may be a component of an affair, it is often just one piece of a more complicated emotional puzzle.

2. Affairs Are A Symptom Of A Problem, Not The Problem Itself

When one partner in a relationship seeks intimacy or romantic connection outside of their committed relationship, it is often a sign of deeper issues within the relationship.

In other words, an affair is not the root problem but rather a manifestation of an underlying issue, such as a lack of emotional or physical connection between partners, unresolved conflicts, or dissatisfaction with the relationship.

When an affair occurs, it is important to address the root cause of the problem to heal the relationship and prevent similar issues from arising in the future. This may involve couples therapy, individual therapy, or a combination of both.

3. Affairs Are A Way To Escape From A Problem Or To Avoid Dealing With A Problem

The reason most people get into extramarital affairs is that they are seeking a way to run away from their present problem.

Some partners are not bold enough to face the problems they face from their partners so they use the means of having affairs with outsiders to escape from that problem.

Most times marriage therapists do encounter such people who take the excuse of problems in their marriage to defend the reason why they are having affairs outside of marriage.

It is important to note that nothing will change in your marriage, that problem won’t go away, and having affairs will not solve the issue or the problem you are running away from.

Rather having affairs will multiply your problems and complicate issues more.

4. Affairs Are A Way To Get Attention Or To Feel Loved

According to some marriage therapists, most partners use the excuse that they are seeking emotional fulfillment to get into an affair.

And in truth, They may feel neglected or unappreciated by their partner and are looking for validation and affection from someone else.

In some cases, the person engaging in the affair may have a deep-seated need for attention and validation that they are unable to get from their partner. They may feel a sense of emptiness or inadequacy and seek to fill that void by seeking attention and affection from someone else.

It’s important to note that engaging in an affair as a way to get attention or feel loved is not a healthy or constructive way to address relationship issues. It can cause significant emotional pain for all parties involved and can lead to the breakdown of the existing relationship.

Instead of turning to an affair, individuals need to communicate openly and honestly with their partners about their needs and feelings. Seeking therapy or counseling can also be a helpful way to address underlying emotional issues and improve communication and intimacy in a relationship.

5. Affairs Are A Way To Feel Powerful Or In Control

The low self-esteem and the lack of superiority or the feeling of not having control or most times the State of feeling like less of a person in the marriage can push a person to have an affair.

Most people feel or have a sense of superiority and the feeling of being in control when having an affair.

6. Affairs Are A Way To Feel Important Or Special

Most Individuals who engage in extramarital affairs do so because they feel a sense of excitement, validation, and self-importance from the experience. In other words, having an affair can make someone feel special, and desired.

People may seek out affairs as a means of boosting their self-esteem or feeling more desirable, particularly if they feel unappreciated or neglected in their primary relationship. Ultimately, having an affair can be a complex and emotionally charged issue, and motivations for such behavior can vary widely from person to person.

7. Affairs Are A Way To Feel Connected Or Intimate

Some therapists say people engage in extramarital relationships as a means to satisfy their emotional needs for closeness, connection, and intimacy. However, this violates trust and commitment in a committed relationship and can cause immense emotional pain and suffering for all parties involved.

While it is still true that some individuals may seek emotional fulfillment outside of their committed relationship, there are healthier and more ethical ways to meet their emotional needs, such as open and honest communication with their partner, counseling or therapy, or finding activities to do together that promote intimacy and connection. Ultimately, having an affair can cause long-lasting damage to the primary relationship and can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and regret.

8. Affairs Are A Way To Feel Alive Or To Feel Something

Though it is not fair to say that affairs are a way to feel alive. While an affair may bring temporary excitement and pleasure, it often involves deception, betrayal, and hurtful consequences for all parties involved.

People may engage in affairs for a variety of reasons, including a desire for novelty or excitement, a need for emotional or physical validation, or a sense of dissatisfaction in their current relationship. However, these reasons do not justify the damage that an affair can cause to oneself and others.

Furthermore, there are many other healthy and fulfilling ways to feel alive and satisfied in life. Pursuing hobbies, spending time with loved ones, setting and achieving personal goals, and engaging in self-care are all examples of activities that can bring meaning and fulfillment to one’s life without causing harm to oneself or others.

9. Affairs Are A Way To Punish Someone

Most people engage in affairs as a way to punish their partner and this is a problematic and unhealthy belief that can lead to destructive behavior and emotional harm for all involved. It is important to understand that affairs are not a constructive way to address issues in a relationship or to punish someone for their actions.

If someone is engaging in an affair as a way to punish their partner, it suggests a deep-seated resentment or anger towards them. This type of behavior is often driven by a desire for revenge or a need to regain power and control in the relationship. However, these motivations do not justify the betrayal and deceit involved in an affair.

10. Affairs Are A Way To Get Revenge

People get into affairs for revenge for the hurt or the pain that was caused by one partner.

Revenge is the aspect that the wish to hurt the person and make him or her feel the pain he felt while the or where been cheated on.

Most therapists advise that though it may seem like the best thing to do to end or heal that pain within it will still cause more harm than good as it will further complicate issues in the nearest future.

The best way to revenge is to let go and find a better you with a better partner.

11. Affairs Are A Way To Cope With Stress Or Anxiety

Most people go into extramarital affairs with the excuse of relieving stress and anxiety.

Some partners complain they don’t find that rest in their partners as they instead increase the stress and cause them to feel anxious for nothing.

12. Affairs Are A Way To Cope With Feelings Of Loneliness Or Isolation

This suggests that some individuals may turn to extramarital affairs as a means of alleviating their sense of isolation and disconnection from others.

It implies that these individuals may feel emotionally or physically disconnected from their partner or spouse and that they may seek out a sense of connection and intimacy with someone else to fulfill their unmet needs for companionship and closeness.

However, it is important to note that affairs are not a healthy or effective way to cope with feelings of loneliness. Engaging in affairs can ultimately lead to further feelings of isolation and disconnection, as well as damage trust and communication in relationships.

Seeking professional help and developing healthy coping mechanisms, such as reaching out to friends and family, engaging in hobbies, or seeking therapy, are more effective and sustainable ways to manage feelings of loneliness.

13. Affairs Can Be Addictive And Can Lead To More Affairs

Partners individuals who engage in extramarital affairs may develop a pattern of behavior that becomes increasingly difficult to control.

It implies that the excitement, novelty, and sense of validation that an affair can provide may lead some individuals to continue seeking out similar experiences, even if it means risking their committed relationship and potentially hurting themselves and others.

This behavior is often referred to as an addiction to the “rush” or “high” that comes with the secretive and forbidden nature of affairs.

Research suggests that individuals in affairs may experience changes in their brain chemistry that reinforce this addictive pattern of behavior, making it more difficult to break the cycle and resist future temptations.

It is important to note that this behavior is not a healthy or sustainable way to cope with unmet emotional needs or other personal struggles. Seeking professional help and support, such as therapy or support groups, can be an important step in breaking this pattern of behavior and developing healthier coping mechanisms.


To stop having affairs can be challenging, especially if someone has developed a pattern of addictive behavior. However, here are some steps that can help someone stop having affairs:

  •  Acknowledge the problem.
  • Identify triggers and patterns.
  • Seek professional help.
  • Communicate with your partner.
  • Develop healthy coping mechanisms.
  • Avoid situation that will lead to it.

Not forgetting that to achieve this you’ll need patience with yourself and commitment to make it happen.

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