A lot of people have troubles with what to do before telling spouse you want a divorce. Okay, that’s it. You have reached your breaking point. You have had enough of your marriage and want a way out-divorce.
Divorce is the legal dissolution of a marriage, but in practice, it isn’t as simple as its definition.
What looks like a straightforward affair can often draw out into weeks or months, leaving both sides mentally exhausted. And this is after both parties have agreed to proceed with the divorce.
Generally, the bonds in a marriage grow weak over time before one partner grows tired and wants an end.
The person initiating the divorce thus has the responsibility of broaching the subject with their spouse. The reaction of the spouse that is getting left can vary widely.
Sometimes, the suggestion would be welcomed, but other times, the other partner lived in blissful ignorance and would be shocked at this decision.
What To Do Before Telling Spouse You Want A Divorce (12 Facts)
If you are leaving your marriage, it is your responsibility to devise a suitable means of breaking this news.
It is also good to begin your preparations before breaking the news. This will help you to get comfortable with your new reality and honestly decide if you want to let go. So, if you are planning to spill that news, below are some things you can do before then.
1. You Need To Rethink
Why am I doing this? Is this what I want? Is this the best thing to do? These questions should be answered before your partner knows what you are planning. It is easy to assume you’re ready for divorce once you’re contemplating it, which is hardly always the case.
You may still be in love with your spouse or just need a little change from their end to make you stay. When you want a divorce today but aren’t so sure the next day, you need to have a conversation with yourself.
To be sure you want a divorce, that decision should come from a place of self-awareness, and it should not be an emotional response to your partner’s actions.
Also, you need to think about the consequences should you proceed. Before you tell your spouse, your internal conflict over the decision should disappear. Proceed only when you are of one mind.
2. See A Counselor
Divorce is a profound and life-changing experience. If you just need your partner to change his habits or behavior to make you stay, you should try to see that happen before preparing for divorce.
What if you can still make your marriage work? What if the conflicts can be resolved? Are you going to walk away without fighting? Maybe you need to make a trip to the counselor’s office. Seeing a counselor alerts your partner that something is wrong and that you want to make it right.
Plus, you do not want to live with the regret of not knowing if your marriage could have worked had you made this move.
Attempting to fix your marriage will remove the what-ifs and every other doubt you may have had. You may also find consolation in knowing that you tried.
3. Consult A Lawyer
This guides you to know what the divorce laws in your state are and how best you can prepare on the legal front. You will also learn how much hiring a lawyer will cost and whether you can handle it.
You must also determine if your lawyer has the appropriate skill set to guide you.
Besides, there is nothing wrong with acquainting your lawyer with details of the case they may handle and checking if you like and trust them.
During a divorce, a lawyer is the best source of legal advice and will do their best to ensure you walk away with a good deal.
A lawyer is also helpful in advising on how to behave to ensure that your partner’s lawyer does not have ammunition against you if you decide to proceed.
4. You Should Drop Hints
This requires you to cleverly extract your spouse’s opinion on divorce and the issues surrounding it. You have to be smart here because any wrong move could trigger an alarm.
You can do this by casually mentioning a celebrity’s divorce or talking about the marriage settlement and what each partner walked away with.
Listen carefully to their responses, body language, and what their words may imply. If your partner is against paying alimony or believes marriage should end with death, you must tread carefully.
You can also suggest you’re looking for a divorce by leaving non-verbal hints, like ensuring he catches you reading blog posts about the subject. Who knows, it could motivate him to act better.
5. Say Nothing Till You Are Ready
Threatening to divorce your spouse without meaning to follow through with it will gradually harm your union. At best, your spouse will cease to take you seriously. Or they may start preparing on their end.
Your friends and family members should not even be aware. Imagine if it slips, and your spouse learns from another person. You could even change your mind along the line.
By the time you discuss divorce with your spouse, you should be close to a hundred percent ready.
6. You Should Get Ready
In short, just get your house ready. This includes getting ready for your spouse’s reaction. Their views of divorce may guide you on what to expect, but they aren’t absolute.
Remember, everybody thinks they know how they’ll act till they get punched in the face.
Your partner may be receptive to the idea or respond by guilt-tripping you, laying the blame on you, or behaving violently.
On your end, you could see a therapist to get prepared or start mentally putting your marriage behind you.
7. Watch The Money
This means that you should familiarize yourself with finance and financial documents.
Pay attention to bank statements, tax returns, and marital assets. Know exactly how much money comes in and how much goes out.
This is because your spouse may attempt to dupe you by claiming to have less or hiding some money or assets. Your net worth will be calculated during the divorce, and you want a rough estimate of those figures before then.
8. Organize Important Documents
In the court, evidence is king. It is not just enough to know about assets. You should be able to prove that these actually exist. If you find any important document ranging from bank statements to proof of ownership, make a copy of it. You can keep physical copies or soft copies.
Such documents should be stored with care. You can keep them physically in a safe that only you have access to or pay for cloud space using an account that’s newly created for this purpose. Remember, do all these discreetly.
9. Keep Up With Your Lifestyle
If you want to receive spousal support to maintain your standard of living, consider keeping up your current lifestyle, not trying to cut costs. It may need to be proven in court that you deserve X amount of money because you are used to living a certain way.
The court may create a budget for you based on the life you lived, so do not freeze up and stop sending. Besides, making such moves could alert your spouse that something is wrong.
Why else would someone who loves the fine things of life simply stop spending?
10. Have A Safety Net
I mean a financial one. If you used to share bank accounts with your spouse, consider getting yours. Get your own credit cards. Begin funding your accounts, and set aside enough money in case things go south.
Out of anger or spite, your spouse might “cut you loose” financially. You do not want to be in a position where you cannot afford to pay for your basic needs.
You may have to foot some of your bills alone when divorced. It is a good idea to plan for that eventuality.
11. You Should Remain Civil
Just because you have planned to divorce does not give you leeway to treat your partner with disrespect. In fact, treat them like human beings without giving away your intentions.
Your lousy behavior can even be used against you in a divorce, especially when fighting for the kids.
Besides, a cordial relationship with your spouse, even when you no longer love them, is mutually beneficial during the settlement and when deciding on child custody.
12. Have A Support System
Going through a divorce without a shoulder to lean on is an awful experience. Aside from your lawyer, you need friends that can support you through it all. Parents and other relatives can act as a shoulder to cry on.
Conclusion
Despite your readiness, there are days when the going will get tough, when the whole process seems to be taking longer than usual, and when you will not love the decisions being made. A support system ensures that you make it out relatively unscathed.
Getting a headstart on these preparations may seem selfish and unfair to your spouse. It isn’t. Many people assume that you must be having a good time because you are initiating a divorce. That is false.
The person leaving and the person getting left have it hard. Starting all these preparations is looking out for yourself because you cannot predict your spouse’s response.